Ikeisms

"I was an ugly child, my family would hug the dog and pet me" - Ike Avelli

"I am so exhausted, I feel like Joan Crawford after she beat her kids down" - Ike Avelli "I am so pale, if you wrote blue on me, I would look like a facebook page" - Ike Avelli "So sure Gary Busey is related to Liza Minelli" - Ike Avelli "Charlie Sheen gets roasted in September!!..and October..and November.." - Ike Avelli "I dated someone whose breath was so bad, I offered them a Mentos, it melted before it got to their mouth" - Ike Avelli "Paul Stanley of KISS is a father for the fourth time!....He's Straight?!? - Ike Avelli  "Shame on you Katie Holmes! First rule is: Never Date A Man With The Word 'Cruise' In His Name" - Ike Avelli "Adele is a Mom! Does that mean her new CD will be about Shitty Boyfriends instead of Shitty Diapers?" - Ike Avelli"Simon Cowell is looking for a nice British Girlfriend, I suggested Boy George" - Ike Avelli